Category Archives: depression

Honestly

When I was young, my parents told me that honesty is always the best policy.

They were lying.

Ex

Extricate yourself from the one who drags you down

Push her hands away from you Swim and let her drown

Stay afloat (for a while) and let her drown

She is sinking, descending into the depths

Watch her face recede from you

Break away

Don’t let her eyes hold yours

Don’t let her hold you

Don’t let her drag you down

Save yourself

Grandmother

You feel yourself humoured, your “funny turns” tolerated.

You find yourself isolated, no one really listens.

You’re deafened.  And silenced by their deafness to you

The receptacle into which you poured your love, so much of your love is an empty vessel when you try to drink.

Nobody cares what you say or think.

No one knows or cares how it feels, not enough to help you, to hear you,

to love you enough.

No wonder you’re ready to die.

Like A Drug

I’ve been waiting for my life to start

Someone new like you to tear my cosy world apart

And after all this time I’ve spent waiting

I feel so scared to finally think it might be happening

*

Your love is like a drug to me

Flowing through my veins, in my blood stream, yeah

Your love is like a drug to me

Take away my pain, paint over the world with dreams

*

Tell me just what I’m supposed to do

I know I only feel okay when I am close to you

I’ve learned to love my vulnerability

The feeling’s so intense, can you sense my fragility?

*

Your love is like a drug to me

Flowing through my veins, in my blood stream, yeah

Your love is like a drug to me

Take away my pain, paint over the world with dreams

*

Is it best to be a pessimist

And keep your expectations low in case it all goes wrong?

Is an optimist a fantasist?

Will you tell me what the hell you think is going on?

*

To beat the odds and cheat the gods

Like Ulysses, can you believe?

Delirious, I must confess I can’t assess what I perceive cos…

*

Your love is like a drug to me

Flowing through my veins, in my blood stream, yeah

Your love is like a drug to me

Take away my pain, paint over the world with dreams

*

Oh yeah

Give me visions

Too scared

The moment I wake up, I’m sick with fear.  I can’t function in this world.  There is no place for me, no space, no use.

No one wants me.  Everyone tells me,

“Be someone else, not who you are.  You’re a brand, a commodity, an object in the market place.”

I don’t want to be.  I want to be me.  Well, I don’t… I hate myself.  I hate my situation, I hate my life, my failure, my 24/7 pain.

But I want to be allowed to be me, not forced to contort and distort myself into something someone can find a use for, a servant, a tool, something to be used to make someone else more money.

We used not to be brands.  We used to be human beings.

I want to kill myself, but I’m too scared.  How pathetic is that?